Hearts...

Our hearts...The Original Sanctuary.

"But while the physical creation of God is astounding and breathtaking, the most amazing of His creations to us is the human heart - not the mechanical, blood-pumping organ in the left center of the chest, but the unseen heart that sits at the core of every human's being. Naked to the human eye, your heart is more marvelous than any of God's creation. Home to your desires and dreams, life to your spirit and conscience, your heart is unlike anything else God has made.

Think about your own heart. It's the place you store your private thoughts and protect your past. It's that place you labor to keep secret yet strangely long for someone else to know. It contains the DNA of who you are intended to be and is as unique as your fingerprints. Your heart is what makes you, you.

When God created the heart, He made it to mirror Him. When that group of boys built that tree house (spoke of earlier in the book), they displayed the creative and inventive part of God's character. In the same way, God has placed a fingerprint of who He is on the hearts of each of His children. And he did that so our hearts could connect with His, commune with His.

Yes, the heart was intended to be a place of co-habitation. It is a place for two, a place of intimacy. When you go there, you can connect with God. That is what He intended when He placed your heart within you...He is waiting to meet with you."

Taken from the book The Original Sanctuary written by Marc Owings and David Terry. I encourage you to buy this book! Just go to: Elevatehim.com

Since we've returned home from Colombia, I've been reminded that I shut down a part of my heart while we were there. After having met Andrew, who was also adopted from Infant Paradise, my mind and heart were in a whirlwind of sorts. It seemed like every step I took in Bogota, Medellin and Villavicencio took my heart to a deeper place...one that I couldn't fully reach in those moments. I didn't know how to express what I was feeling. I couldn't find the words to tell Bruce what was going on in my heart. I, honestly, didn't know what was going on in my heart. I couldn't cry all day, everyday...whether that be with tears of joy or grieving. I had kids to hold together. Heat and long walks to push through...I had to be an encourager (which I failed in doing on some days). No, there wasn't time to sit and think about ME.

So, what did I do? I closed what I thought was a "part" of my heart. I remember doing it. I remember sitting on the bed at our hotel, Torres 42, feeling unbelievably overwhelmed and thinking, "I can't do this. I can't feel right now. I can't process. I'm shutting down that part of my heart."

Let me just say...
YOU CAN'T HIDE ONE PART OF YOUR HEART AND EXPECT TO LIVE WHOLE-HEARTEDLY.

Oh, but I tried and I've been trying since then. Isn't it amazing that no matter where we try to hide, God sees us and is near to us? Psalms 139 has always been my favorite scripture. I suppose, it's because I feel I can relate to it more than any other scripture! I've always said that if I were to ever get a tatoo, it would have to somehow relate to Ps. 139. However, Bruce has given the big NO on that one! ;) He's right...not a good idea for me.

Verses 4-10
"Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

Verses 13-16
"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes you saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

NOW, THAT'S AMAZING LOVE!

So what have I done with my heart since July 15th, our "Gotcha Day", the day Abi was placed in our arms and lives? Where did the parts of my heart go that needed to be seen, heard, adored, affirmed and loved? They are still there and because of God's love and patience, I will slowly unveil their depths. I know, I have a lot of tears yet to cry. (How in the world could I have more tears to cry?! OMGosh!). A lot of sitting with Jesus and just being with Him. A lot of ministry from Him and I'm ready. Not all of what's in my heart is pain but I'm going to chase it, even the pain. Mainly, because I am such a heart person. I feel God has given me the ability to love passionately and with parts of my heart closed, I can't fully live as He planned for me.

Another reason to chase what's in my heart and be rid of confusion is because I'm unintentionally passing the gross parts to our children. They know when Mommy isn't right in her heart! They begin to take on the same attitudes and actions...ICK!!! If I've been given the amazing gift of having children, I'm going to lead like HE WOULD HAVE ME LEAD. I don't want them growing up with some of the issues I did, simply because I don't have the guts to chase freedom...no, not me! I'm praying this is being conveyed correctly...please know that I receive no awards for wanting to find freedom! The rewards come after my freedom is found in Him!

With all that said, pray for me. Pray that God will continue to open my eyes and that my heart will supernaturally be healed. I want to live from the inside, out. I want to bring honor to my Father. I want to live in FREEDOM!

You can too!
Jeremiah 29:13: "You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart."

With great love,
Ruth