Today Abi decided to use some new words!!! I'm soo happy! I'm sorry to say I've been telling her that "meh" is a very bad word. I'm so tired of hearing, "meh"...all day, every day. Today was different!! She said, "lalu" for I love you. "Shish" for shoes and "po poo" for poo poos. She also said very clearly as if to be thinking of someone in particular, "Papa." I sometimes call Bruce "Papa." She said it over and over with a big smile and all 14 teeth peering through! She's just beautiful!
Today is also my Dad's birthday. I'm sure there was a huge celebration in heaven for him. I'm also sure our daughter, Rae Ann, was in his company and enjoying her PaPa! For those of you that didn't know, we had a miscarriage in October of 2000. Bruce had just accepted the position at City View as an Associate Pastor here in Lubbock. We were living in a gorgeous, custom built home in Ft. Worth and I had never moved away from the metroplex. Josh was about to turn three and was the joy of my life at that time (possibly too much so). After the miscarriage and procedure, we began to pack to begin a new life in Lubbock. About a month later, I said to Bruce that I'd like to name our baby-in-heaven just to have some closure in my heart. Josh had been singing "Do Re Me" from the Sound of Music so it was fresh on my mind. I chose the name Rae for our baby. I figured it could go either way...girl or boy. I also had someone in mind that I wanted to honor whose middle name is Raymond. Then life went on, my heart quickly healed from our loss and we were right in God's hands. Being in God's hands doesn't always equal happiness but God used all our circumstances and the outcome has been great.
Six months after moving to Lubbock, on May 16th, my father changed addresses and went to heaven. With all of the loss that I experienced during that six month time frame, God was patient and kind to me. I lost hope during that time BUT God had given me Josh, who was my delight! After Dad died in May, while attending youth camp (as we do every year...Bruce helps with worship), a dear friend of ours, Allen Hickman, asked if he could pray over us. Of course, Bruce and I agreed that he could and about half way through the prayer, he stopped praying. He looked up at me and said, "Ruth, does the name Rae Ann mean anything to you? I keep hearing it in my head." I began to cry and thanked Jesus on that night for sharing with me that our DAUGHTER was in heaven. God is good like that...always willing to mend our hearts and desiring to give us His best!
I attended a funeral a few days ago in North Dallas. A precious friend of mine lost her husband to ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). It's a mean disease. Sean died at the young age of 42 and left behind Cindy and their girls, Hope (13) and Hannah (11). He was a goal setter and achiever. He was always nice to be around when we visited him. Sean was the guy that everyone loved! He was contagious! Cindy and I go as far back as 20+ years and she is a beloved jewel to me. Sean wasn't perfect. Matter of fact it took him getting an incurable disease to realize what life was really about. I'll never forget Cindy telling me of the time that Sean said, "It took (me) finding out I am dying before I could live." He knew he was going to die. He knew only God knew the timing. He knew there was NOTHING he could do about the outcome. He also knew his muscles would deteriorate. And that his brain would stay in perfect condition. Can you imagine the torture? The struggle to communicate when you know what you're saying but can't communicate it to others? It was a very long 3 years for Cindy and the girls. While attending Sean's funeral 3 days ago, I couldn't help but notice those around me. There were grown men crying as the pastor shared about Sean's life and about God's love for us. There were people who looked clueless. There was one, beautiful lady that shook her head in agreement every time the pastor mentioned God's goodness, etc. One precious moment I witnessed was when I saw a group of men in uniform. They looked like construction workers and they stood waiting to embrace their boss, Sean's dad. It was beautiful. He was greatly touched by their kindness and love. There were others who wore their money well. Many, many blessed individuals. I suppose, what caught my heart the most was that there were soo many that seemed lost. Maybe they've met Jesus. Maybe they haven't yet. At any rate, I doubt they cared as much on their way out about what bag they carried in, the shoes that matched or the car they drove away in. It was wonderful to be at a funeral where the pastor led everyone to a deeper relationship with Christ. Some may have heard about Him for the first time on this day? God was glorified at Sean's funeral and the beauty of Cindy's loyalty was evident and commended.
On our way back to Lubbock on Tuesday, I was reminded that it was just 4 months ago that I was offering Doris a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She was one of our housekeepers while in Medellin. She was so precious to me. I still cry thinking about her and knowing it's unlikely that I'll ever see her again. She was cleaning in the kitchen one afternoon and we came in with our bag of groceries. We couldn't afford to eat out for every meal, for an entire month, so we often made sandwiches. On this particular day it was PB&J's. We insisted that she eat with us and she went on to say how delicious it was. She had NEVER had a PB&J because she said, "only the rich eat PB&J sandwiches." I couldn't believe my ears. Seriously? This is what we eat when pay day extends over three weekends...not really but you get the picture.
Four months ago, we are sharing lunch with Doris who makes approximately $15 per day and works 10-12 hours per day, 6-7 days per week. This week, I'm literally in the presence of many millionaires. What I learned? We're all the same. We're all in need of a Savior. We can kid ourselves and think that money, a certain relationship, a car, a house...whatever...can fill our void but truly only Jesus can.
I left the funeral at 2:25 on Tuesday. I arrived to my Mom's at 3:05 because I sped and there wasn't alot of traffic. I left my Mom's in Arlington at 4:30. I arrived to Lubbock at 9:30. I've never been so glad to be home. I'm grateful for our small house (not small to some) and our low mortgage payment. I'm grateful for my kids, who adore me and I them. I'm grateful for Bruce who is truly a man of God.
Simplicity. It's a good thing.
Ruth
1 comment:
Ruth I wish I could keep my thoughts together on paper like that. It really blesses me to read these since I dont get to see yall or live life with your awesome family. I still to this day relive or remember a lot of things I went through my younger life and find my self in the middle of riches and blessings (Then and now). I think of Bruce and you and the many friends who were encouragers and strong in their walk with God or at least honest about where they were. Thank yall for all you did. I remember sayin to myself one night after I left yalls house (after holding Bella) Im gonna have me a little girl one day. I used to practice up until the time we had CHord talking to them while I drove or at my Ghetto apt. I would laugh and tell them about Jesus and it all came from a seed he put in me when I was young. In about two months I get to hold my first girly girl. GOD is awesome.
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